It has already been a week. Our house’s ambience is no longer the same. I was so used to a lot of things when it comes to Papa. Everyday when I get home from work, he would be in the garage reading his favorite tabloids, Bulgar-People’s Tonight-Abante Tonite-PSN. Yeah, he reads lots of newspapers everyday coz that is all he does all day. I would ask him if he had already eaten, and then I would check his blood pressure and pulse rate before I go to sleep. I’m his caregiver.
After lunch, he would wake me up so I can check his vital signs again before he go for a siesta. He would remind me also of his merienda before i go back to sleep. At 6pm, I would do a blood-glucose monitoring just before he take his dinner.
That was my routine for the last 2 months that Papa has been home. And now, I miss those things. I miss the way Papa would check on us if Xelynah is already sleeping, why Xelynah is crying or who is takin’ care of her. I miss the way he asks for money/load, how he wanted to go to MOA, the looks on his face when I bought him the “ka-cheap-an Iphone” that he liked, whenever we play “pusoy”, whenever he craved for pizza in the middle of the might, whenever he txt me for a bucket of chickenjoy, etc. I will surely miss those things.
During his wake, i had a lot questions in mind. There were my lolos, super old, with canes and on wheelchairs and yet they are still alive. My Papa was just 54, so young they say. And I realized, life is too short. We just hope that we made him happy for those two months that he was home, out of the hospital bed.
I still can’t move on. I wanna move out of the house as his memories for 20 yrs were there. Call me papa’s girl, but yeah I was. The whole house is full of melancholy. To ease the pain, we still do our morning chit-chats over coffee and cigarettes in front of his pix as if he is still there. We still get him newspapers and his favorite “lakatan”.
I so miss you Papa. Why didn’t you give in that easily? I still can spend for you meds, your hospitalization. The government which you had served for more than half your life may not be there for you but we, your family will always be there for you. You are the reason why I’m working my ass to the limit, why I take those cussin’ and cursin’ of those foreigners with a smile. You’re the reason why I am fightin’.
Now I feel like I am left alone. I just wish you are here. To hold my hand when I am weary, to caress my hair when I am tired. Pa, thank you for being in my dream last night. Why not do it every night? It’s okay.
See you in my dreams Pa. I love you.
Filed under: Hanyzzzzz!!!! | Tagged: papa
